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We're both in places
Where you're in your comfortable darkness,
And my light can't reach you anymore,
And the shadows we made together
Faded away,
As real or unreal as they were.
Where you're in your comfortable darkness,
And my light can't reach you anymore,
And the shadows we made together
Faded away,
As real or unreal as they were.
Found.
Upon waking up, the words, "And she has been found," came up, followed by the thought that it was the conclusion to the Starlight Gatherer story from Revue Starlight, right after, "And it shall be bestowed upon you, the star which you have longed for." So after that my brain just repeated, ""And it shall be bestowed upon you, the star which you have been looking for... and she has been found." over and over, while thinking of the movie conclusion for each of the characters, and so I couldn't go back to sleep. My brain might be doing me the mandela, I don't know. Or it could be telling me I was happy for sif2 🥹
Vision.
Last night, while playing Minecraft after a bath, I got so sleepy, but couldn't get into bed cause my hair was wet. I decided to nap with my arms on the table. Sinuses got clogged immediately, but shifting positions eventually cleared it up and I fell asleep. When I woke up, everything was blurry. I couldn't read words at all, and can't even tell which item was which in game. Even when I tried to adjust my focus and distance, I couldn't see properly. I continued playing anyway, just using previous memory about item positions. Few minutes later, normal vision gradually returned. This wasn't my first time getting blurry vision, but I could usually remedy it with adjusting eye focus (or sth). It just happens at random, cause my vision is still clear, so I don't rly see the need for glasses just yet.
Rainy.
It suddenly rained when I was about to bring my clothes to the laundry shop. I still went because I don't have clean clothes and got drenched. Bought a box of instant Cafe Mocha from Pan De Manila and a dozen of pandesal. The Cafe Mocha - two sachets so far, tasted like Nescafe Original. I'm still sad about it at present. Every one of the sachets is probably Nescafe Original, too. Tried to work on one task after another. When Ifinally thought I could focus on the one I wanted to keep singular focus on, I was disturbed by additional orders to pay bill I don't have the information for. As I was asking for additional information, it was ignored and was ordered to perform another task. I tried to complete the earlier task, but request for info was ignored. Now I can't focus because of the unfinished short task I have to constantly follow up on to complete.
June 18, we met again.
It was like a dream. We were getting along really nicely. You were friendlier than before. You even started conversations on your own. I didn't know what to do. I acted like I would with new people - friendly, funny, but not touching. At arms length, in respect of one's personal space. I tried to keep my distance, afraid that touching you would make the dream - or the friendly atmosphere end. At times the spaces were smaller. Your hair smelled like my own. Were we using the same shampoo? Vague memories came back up every now and then - I held them down. Tried to talk about new things. This is new. This is old. We're older too. Maybe that's why you felt different. We're the same people, changed by time. I kept telling myself to be careful. What was okay then may not be good now. I have done a lot of awful things. And every now and then the pain comes back. The pain from the long-time separation, now the pain from trying to keep the distance. You're an old friend. I play that multiple times in my head. We were there. Then we're here. Then I'm back here again contemplating on these things. It just all felt so unreal. That night, you hogged up all the space in the small bed. It's fine, you're a guest. I move my hands as far away as I could. I tuck my arms around myself, so as to provide more space and make sure that these noodle arms won't hit you (I moved around when drunk) In the morning, I finally could curl up a bit more. I slept better. Lunchtime, then it was time to go back. A picture of us in bed was sent. Luckily I was wearing an eyemask. I wouldn't be recognized even when someone else sees. I saved the pictures. It was fun. I could tell that you were exhausted, and wondered if you found it too exhausting and refuse to come back. If we will be able to do it again. But it was fun. I've missed you. Now I miss you again, but I can't have any more.
© 2018 - 2024 Dummy-Perception
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